What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.