What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons