What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.