Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus