What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.