What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.