My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.