What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.