What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.