What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!