My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.