How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.