I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.