What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!