What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.