What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
Something’s goat to give.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.