What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.