Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
Don't worry, bee happy!
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!