What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!