There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.