What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?