Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!