What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
---
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"