Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.