Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.