Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.