Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!