What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*