A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!