What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!