What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.