Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.