Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
I goat this.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.