What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.