What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.