A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.