What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Something’s goat to give.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.