How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.