What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!