What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.