Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!