What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.