What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.