What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.