What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.