How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.