Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.