Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.