How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.