Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
Some people like to play croc-quet.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.