What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.