Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw