Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster