What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.