Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.