What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Whatever floats your goat.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan