Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.