What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.