The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.