What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.