Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
I goat this.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.