I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.