Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
I goat this.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.