What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.