What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.