A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!