My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.