How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.