I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent