How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.