I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.