What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.