What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.