What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!