What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.