I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Whatever floats your goat.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.