Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.