How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.