What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!