What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.