How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you