How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.