What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.