Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.