What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.