Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook