Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.