Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.