The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
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