What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.