What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
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