Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Go to BabaMail
