My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Biology - It grows on you.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
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