How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
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