I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Go to BabaMail
