Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Go to BabaMail
