Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
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