What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
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