Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
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