What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
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