Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Go to BabaMail
