What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
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