What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
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