What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
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