What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Go to BabaMail
