Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
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