Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
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