What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Go to BabaMail
