What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Air resistance is a real drag.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Biology - It grows on you.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
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