Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
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