Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Go to BabaMail
