How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
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