To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Go to BabaMail
