Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
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