What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Do you find bone puns humerus?
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
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