What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Biology - It grows on you.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
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