Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
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