What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
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