How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
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