The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
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