The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
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