Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
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