I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
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