Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
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