A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
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