What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Air resistance is a real drag.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
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