What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
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